Thursday, June 10, 2010

Confessions of a Psycho Swim Parent

Today, I received an e-mail from a swim parent whom I have never met:
Dear Coach,
Last year I discovered your blog Swimtelligence and have really enjoyed reading your insights and tips into the sport my eleven year old son has come to love.

I must confess that for the first two years I was probably best described as the epitome of a psycho swim parent. I pushed my son to push his own limits, I pushed the coach to do better, I bought all the training tools, 47 different suits--although even I drew the line a the purchase of a technical suit for a 10 year old going to state for the first time.

It must be something about parenting, and kids sports that causes some of us to lose our minds so completely.

I will tell you that our team, is blessed with a really great coach. Coach X has a skill and wisdom that far outstrips his youth. At less than 25 years old he seems to have gained the patience of Job himself when it comes to parents and swimmers.

He is also a truly gifted coach when it comes to developing some swimmers to the amazing results leading them to sectional, zone and even junior nationals---all the more amazing when one considers the team is only about 100 swimmers total. But, it isn't just with the "super stars" that he is a great coach. It is with the overweight kid who has no shot at state times but continues to improve and strive to do his best, it is with the middle school girls who frequently have to pause in the middle of sets to discuss in detail the drama of their lives. He is great with the kids who screw around and the kids who are shy and quiet. He is great with the kids with disabilities, and the kids who are only there because their parents "make them."

In short, in the last couple of years I became a much less "psycho-swim-parent" in large part because of the calm professional demeanor, cool temper and quick wit of our coach. Sure every coach has a bad day, and lets slip something regretful, but those are extremely rare with Coach X.

I guess the reason I am writing to you is because I was hoping you might include something in the "for the coaches" section--encouraging them not to give up on the crazy parents---just keep their cool, remain professional, let us blow off the steam---Parenting is much more difficult that I ever thought it was going to be, and being a "psycho-swim-parent" was only one of the mistakes I made along the way. I was fortunate enough to have a Swim Coach with enough patience to let me discover the problem and correct it.

While not perfect by a long shot, I have become a much more encouraging parent, a supportive parent (of both the coach and of my kids).

I focus on the contributions I can make to my son's development of character, integrity, and commitment instead of on his stroke count, streamlining and freestyle technique. The leadership and modeling of behavior that I give my son in those areas transfers to his performance in the classroom, in the pool and with his friends. I let the coach do his job and I do mine and my son gets the best that both of have to offer.

Sincerely,

Former Psycho Swim Parent




Thank you, Swim Parent. I published your e-mail in its entirety because I couldn't write it any better than you did.